Category Archives: Jokes

The laziest movie pitch

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: August 1, 2010
Alright, so picture this: a kid gets his face eaten and then there’s a big investigation. And… uh, well that’s it.
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Confessions of a Sleazy English Professor

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: June 15, 2010
I’ve had tenure for awhile now, but I’ve only recently found the courage to teach graphic novels. And by “graphic novels” I mean a couple old issues of Amazing Spider-Man where Spider-Man fights the Hulk, and then they team up. One time I told a student that I would give him a letter of reference, but [...]
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Two Victorian gentlemen enjoy the effects of opium

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: December 20, 2009
GENTLEMAN 1: What! What! Eh – eh – oh, by God! By God! GENTLEMAN 2: Great Scott! My face is positively melting! (He begins clawing at his face.) GENTLEMAN 1: By… God! GENTLEMAN 2: (pointing) And so is yours! GENTLEMAN 1: By… God! (Outside, an over-dressed fop with a brightly coloured overcoat walks past the window.) GENTLEMAN 2: A peacock! Whoooaaaa! (He [...]
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An alien writes haikus about his trip to Earth

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: November 10, 2009
1. Saw an Earth movie today–what a twist! “Rosebud” was only his sled. 2. Man, don’t fajitas taste so good? I think I will spare this weak planet. 3. Meet the President? To heck with that–I want to go to Disney World. 4. Don’t mind me: I’m just testing my new death-ray on some endangered whales. 5. I cannot believe such a primitive species invented Post-Its. 6. I dissected Ted; you remember Ted? Oh, you don’t? Well, nevermind. 7. Went [...]
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Dear Mr. Director of Wildlife Canada, sir

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: November 9, 2009
Dear Mr. Director of Wildlife Canada, sir, I think you should know that the underground world of “Moose vs. Gravity” has really taken off, and if you are interested in this highly lucrative opportunity, all I need is a few more moose to replace the ones that have recently been lost. Most sincerely yours, Mike
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Real life Superman origin

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: November 9, 2009
As the doomed planet Krypton meets its end, Kal-el’s parents make a quick decision: they place their beloved son into a small space pod and send him off into space. He floats off into the darkness–forever.
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Some ideas

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: November 8, 2009
Little helmets and scuba gear so that bees can go underwater. A flashlight that turns on and off really fast, so that when you point it at something, that thing becomes the object of a disco. A game called “Dance Rules Revolution,” in which long, boring rules for various types of dance competitions come on the screen [...]
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This is it

By Mike Lesiuk | Published: November 8, 2009
This is it. What is ‘it‘? All I can tell you is what it isn’t. I can tell you that it won’t be pretty. It won’t be anything like some fancy Renaissance painting, or a three-year-old’s drawing of a flower. It won’t be like some super advanced alien starship design that is so impossibly beautiful that [...]
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