An alien writes haikus about his trip to Earth

1.
Saw an Earth movie
today–what a twist! “Rosebud”
was only his sled.

2.
Man, don’t fajitas
taste so good? I think I will
spare this weak planet.

3.
Meet the President?
To heck with that–I want to
go to Disney World.

4.
Don’t mind me: I’m just
testing my new death-ray on
some endangered whales.

5.
I cannot believe
such a primitive species
invented Post-Its.

6.
I dissected Ted;
you remember Ted? Oh, you
don’t? Well, nevermind.

7.
Went to a disco
today. I don’t understand
this goddamn species.

8.
I crashed my spaceship
into the Eiffel Tower;
my first DUI.

9.
Your discussion of
human copulation is
pleasing. Tell me more.

10.
Dogs aren’t all that cute.
I opened one up and it
was just blood and stuff.